It's all just a blur

The whole month of June seems like such a blur to me. I remember when it was Memorial Day weekend and June was just ready to start. I thought of all the things that were going to be going on in June. Graduation ceremonies, wedding showers, the wedding, Fathers day, a women's meeting I was doing, so much stuff and now it is all over.
I didn't write for the whole month. Thought about it several times but when it came to putting thoughts down---no could do. I am not good at not wearing my emotions on my sleeve and I found out that I am not good at not writing what I am feeling either. So what has happened. Well, Alex and Mariah got married on June 24th. The wedding was beautiful I do love Larry in a tuxedo. Mariah was beautiful in her dress. I hope that I never forget Alex face as he saw Mariah coming down the aisle in her wedding dress. He was in love. Alex looked so grown up to me on that day. Very calm, comfortable, relaxed and excited. I looked at him and it was hard to not reflect back on his life. How much fun he was and all the things we did as a family together. How much I came to rely on him as he grew up. Alex could fix anything. He is the only man I have ever known who actually reads the directions. He is a logical thinker. Likes the process. Loves to be challenged and also always in for adventure. Thus the two missions trips to Thailand. He was only 14 when he went on his first one. He was gone for a month. Larry and I took him to Minneapolis to fly out to Texas. It was hard to watch him walk away down the terminal. And when he came home he had grown up some and I loved the touch that God put on him during that month. I loved it and have never regretted it. I remember when he was gone and I was in the church office doing something and Clayton said to me "I can't believe that you let your 14 year old go half way across the world" It had never really struck me as strange until that moment.
I told him before he left that I would look at the moon every night and pray for him and know that it was the same moon that he would look at. So every night I would look at the moon and pray for him. I knew that God had sent him and I trusted Him with his life, His plan. I just never thought it strange. Not for Alex. And the next year he went back to Thailand only this time for 2 months.

So when he was just 19 and told me that he wanted to get married I really never thought it strange. Not for Alex. When he sets about to do something he does just that. He does it. And has usually thought it threw pretty well.
So now we have a new daughter-in-law.
Mariah kept saying to me not to be sad I wasn't loosing a son I was gaining a daughter. I know that is true. But I kept thinking that if that is true how come it feels so hard. For lack of a better word to describe the feeling-sad.

I think it is because for 18 years I was the only women in Alex's life. I was it.
I have four boys. I am the only women in the house. I have said before that even the dogs are males. So for another women to move in on my territory is sometimes difficult. If you do not have sons or do not have children who are married you cannot understand this and may be thinking to yourselves-Brenda, you are way to intense, let it go already, you are making way more out of this that you should.
To all of you I say "Your time is coming". Do I say that you should stay in this time of mourning? NO! After it is all over you feel somewhat lighter, more carefree. Its a little like giving birth this process of letting go. You know it has to happen and it is going to hurt but in the end it's a whole knew beginning.

And it really helps that we love Mariah. She is great and it really is fun to watch them together now. It is almost like they have been married for a long time.

So we have grown again in our family. Now we have four sons, two beautiful daughter-in-laws,one fantastic granddaughter and two more grandchildren due in December.
I forgot to say that Layne and Sara are expecting twins in December. We are so excited about it all. I hope that one of them is a boy for Layne. I would day I pray or believe but what ever they are is a done deal and so I have to hope for now. Layne wants a boy so bad and I hope he has one. They will be having a lot of ultrasound done so the doctors have told them that they should know what they are before they are born.
I saw an ultrasound picture of one of the babies profiles and it has a nose just like Layne and Kinzie. Which also happens to be just like mine. I have always hated my nose but on Kinzie it is sweet.